Let’s be honest, ladies. You’re probably hugely successful in your professional life. You got your career settled. Eventually even a highly successful business, running your own team, and are a good leader. You got that. You love yourself for being independent, knowing where to go, and got a fabulous apartment or house that many would be jealous of.
And, how’s it going with your love life? Next topic. No, let’s stick with this for a bit. Because it doesn’t have to be that way. Feel like whenever you get closer to a man that you’re the one taking care of him? Washing his laundry? Cooking? Saying where the dinner will be? Eventually paying the majority of the expenses? Eventually coaching him to get out of the misery he is in and helping him get up again? And, probably feeling emotionally drained after a few months because all of what you’re giving – not a tiny bit is coming back. Because we were taught to give, give, give, and not expect anything back. But, to be honest, that doesn’t make us happy.
Your professional life is going well, and eventually, this is where you meet your men. They see you and look up to you. They see that you’re a woman that has got her shit together. You can take care of yourself easily, finances aren’t a problem, but you’re yearning for that emotional and energetically right connection. And, even if you’re in the early stages of dating, you feel like he’s right for you. However, when you slept with him or opened up vulnerable, the situation changes. He eventually starts making demands that don’t feel right for you or expects you to take the lead in the situation. And all that is probably in your head right now is, “Can’t I lean back once? Can’t he surprise me and take the lead?”. We yearn for just relaxing, and not taking the lead all the time. But, how to find that guy? How to make that transition?
Well, this article jumps out of numerous conversations I’ve had in the last days with highly successful women, and the hope to also help other women have more successful personal lives with our insights.
For all of ‘us’, the stories could almost be replicated. Men who don’t help at home, eventually don’t even have a job, the woman being in the saviour role and providing everything. Well, because that’s what we’re used to, right? This is how we’ve become professionally successful and attracted all abundance we have now. We needed to take the lead to be successful. But, that’s not how a love life runs. If you take the lead, you become uninteresting for a man. We need to go back here hundreds and thousands of years – because little has changed. For a man, it is only interesting what is rare, hard to reach, and needs to hunt for (in a good way).
But how can you avoid getting into that trap AGAIN? How can you figure out early if a guy is potentially that exact person you don’t want to be with?
Here’s the magic: knowing about feminine and masculine energy. Now, what I’ll tell you doesn’t mean your love/dating life will change immediately. It takes time, but you will reap the fruits soon if you follow these principles and learn more about them.
In short, when women are successful in business life, they often show up in masculine energy: taking the lead, making decisions, caring for others. However, that doesn’t work in love life if we want somebody that represents that. Twice the energy in a relationship does not add value to how we want to feel, mostly because we need the counterpart to create balance: feminine energy. This is leaning back, asking for help (!), and just listening. This is sometimes difficult to do for successful women when they notice that there is so much more that the other person could do. We easily get into a coaching role because we want to help others get the best out of themselves. But, we need to realize that we don’t need to do this to be liked and loved. Instead, if we do this, we get into a circle that is hard to get out of and usually a downward spiral to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Here’s you can avoid getting into this situation again:
1. When you meet a guy, let him come to you. Let him initiate the next meeting or call. Don’t always message him. If he feels the connection is right, he’ll come to you. And if he doesn’t, then this is not the right guy for you.
2. Don’t be overly responsive. Here’s how a conversation between two potential dating partners usually goes:
Man: Hey, how are you?
Woman: Hey, been doing great. You?
Man: Good. What’s up?
Woman: A lot, been shopping recently, got two more customers last week, took my daughter out to her new dancing lesson, and learnt to cook real Italian pasta. You?
Man: Nothing much.
Noticed something? Our answers tend to be a looooot longer than the one of the guy. We’re giving too much information away and leaving little room to ask questions. Here’s a rule for you, if you are like me and prefer systems: your answers shouldn’t be longer than the guy’s answer or question. Except it’s a question that calls for a longer answer (e.g. tell me more about how you got your black belt in karate).
3. Let a guy message you a couple of times before you start the conversation. If he says, keep me updated, message him once a month. Don’t be scared of losing something that’s not yours. If a guy really likes you and is right for you, he will make sure he gets you. However, your energy also has to be right for this – and this is where we ladies need to work on. A lot. The so much pushed term of feminism hasn’t really been our supporter in this quest.
4. When he asks you what movie to see – whatever chance he gives you of choosing, respond back with: “I’m happy/’d love to be surprised. I’m sure you got a great taste.” And then, the most important thing, whatever he chooses, don’t criticise. Just be grateful and say, “Thank you”.
5. Ask for help. I know, this one’s really challenging for us. Because we can do it ourselves. We’re strong enough, and used to always ‘figuring it out’. I admit, I train my arm muscles to a big part to be able to carry a suitcase myself wherever I go (I travel heavily). But, that’s not attractive to a man. He wants to know he’s useful, wanted, and needed. And whether that’s a little ‘please carry my bag’, or ‘would you have time this Sunday to help me with…’, it does work wonders to ask for help. And ladies, that doesn’t mean you’re showing weakness. It simply shows you trust him to do something for you that makes you happy. Plus, it’s a chance to lean back and not do anything. So, relax, it’s good to get help. Plus, this is even one of the secret tricks known to easily get to know people – just ask for help.
6. If you’re really stuck – get a coach. If you’re more avid in the German language, follow Petra Fürst – she’s a genius. If you’re happier to communicate in English, check out Sami Wunder who has an amazing program to help professionally successful women to be massively successful in their personal lives.